Unringing the Bell

Not Sure

I am having a hard time knowing what to write about here. The fact of the matter is, my real life and my online life intersected in an uncomfortable way recently and I don't know what I care to share anymore. This isn't actually a new experience, it has happened before. I have been tossing around the idea of quitting my online blog life for a while. It's a little uncomfortable when you are not anonymous. And that's my own fault. I never went out of my way to be anonymous. And when you are an anxious sort, like I admittedly am, it can get to you.

Though I don't blog all the time anymore, I think I'd miss it. I DO miss it. Already. I like having a record of things for myself, and I like having places to tell the stories of our lives to far-flung friends and relatives. And strangers, too, even. I like having a place to write and work things out, even though the writing has long since become much less revelatory and much more of the "so this happened' variety.

I like meeting new people because of my blog. Not that that happens much anymore. Funny, how, if you don't write much, you don't get many readers.

If you don't build it, so it turns out, they don't come.

So here I sit. Again, I am tossing it around in my noodle. Not, I assure you, to fish for comments of the "please don't quit" variety, or ANY variety for that matter, but because I am trying to figure out what, if any, place there is for blogging in my life right now. To go private or not, to quit and start over somewhere else and more anonymously, to just quit.

I really just don't know.

I used to feel much more fearless once upon a time. I don't so much feel that way anymore.

Amen, Sister; 31 for 21

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This is worth a read.

So it begins...

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Day One

I have to organize my brain.

First things first, thank you to everyone who has signed up. I was worried, given my relative absence from the blogging world of late, that I wouldn’t have much interest this year, but thanks to the diligent advertising from you bigwigs of the blogging world, I think the word has spread.

Welcome to everyone, newcomers and veterans alike, to the 4th Annual 31 for 21 Blog Challenge! I know life can get in the way, but I hope you will try to post something (even if it is a picture post--which are sometimes the best posts) everyday.

 Blogging is 20% of your grade. And you WILL be tested on this. 

I kid.

 Now. What the heck am I going to write about?

I have a list of topics I’ve been hoping to get to on this here public (eep!) diary. Some have set in Post-It purgatory for hours, some days, some…I hate to admit it, but I betcha’ I have a list floating around the pile on my desk from YEARS ago. In fact, I know I do. Stuck to the wall of my computer hutch are the words "the leaves the day Rainer was discharged." I've been meaning to write about that for almost two years!

Alas, I am at the library and I can’t consult my lists. It was raining to rival Noah’s record today and I needed to get out of the house (yikes, I am totally giving it away that I am drafting this post a day early! (That is TOTALLY allowed, by the way.)). There’s something about the library, just in it’s bookiness that makes it easier for me to think. It reminds me of writing my Plan of Concentration in college. Back in those days I LIVED in the computer lab of the science building on campus--this was before personal computers and certainly, the internets, were de rigeur, folks. Am I dating myself?

Around me this evening, there are people typing, reading, looking through magazines. An older gentleman just cursed at his laptop. I tell you, it brings me back!

There is a comforting hum from the HVAC system.

But what do I want to write about?

I’ll tell you some of the things I hope to have the time (and energy) to touch on this month.

1. Sorry to leave you hanging on that whole discriminatory preschool fiasco. I will follow up on that.

2. I went to a toilet-learning seminar hosted by a highly respected behavioral therapist from KKI and I am totally going to give you her step-by-step tips on how to get your kiddo going on the potty…er…step one, call it a toilet. (More on this.) By the by, I am not giving away any secrets or anything, this was a free talk she did for our DS parent group. She speaks to people like us regularly and I am sure she would be happy for us to share info. In fact, she invited us to.

3. I want to talk about Rainer this month. After all, it IS his month…his birthday just happens to fall on the last day of it! As I alluded to, my goal is to FINALLY write up his birth story!

4. I have a lot to share from the inclusion training I have been doing. It’s a journey, this whole thing. Really wrapping my brain around it. Learning how to make it work. Figuring out how to stave off the panic attacks after going to local SECAC meetings (that’s Special Education Citizen’s Advisory Council (I think, I always forget about that last ‘c’) for those of you keeping score) and discovering just how clueless some folks in the local administration are about what inclusion even MEANS. But truthfully, I am really learning, myself about what GOOD inclusion means, and LOOKS like, too.

5. UDL, baby.

6. And yeah, those panic attacks. It’s not just a joke. I have them. I might talk about that fun topic as well. We'll see. It might give me hives. One thing? My daughter comes by her anxiety honestly!

No doubt some of these topics will come to fruition, while others will meet their destiny by the wayside for now, again, you know. Certainly I’ll phone it in at least once—October is BUSY and I am traveling two out of the…however many weekends. So there will be pictures, which will appease the grand folks, at least, I think.

Blogging. It’s what’s for dinner. Enjoy!

Insomnia

• It might be the heat. It might be my husband's alarm going off at 4am. I can't sleep past it the last few nights. It makes for some tough mornings.
• I wish I had categorized all my posts from the beginning. In my downtime (ha!) I may try to go back and fix that. (Read: that will likely never happen to any great extent.)
• Been thinking about the ol' blog again and wondering in what direction I want to take it. In a moment of paranoia, I was considering password-protecting the whole thing. I think I may at least change directions a little bit.
• Talking about taking your blog in a new direction on your blog is like telling people your dreams. No one REALLY cares, do they?
• I can't wait until summer school.
• Hindsight is...