It turns out I am not very good at tackling my list of projects even though my amount of time to work on said projects has increased several fold since G went into a full day school program (which, by the way, is going exceedingly well. No, not without a few "things" here and there, but...my goodness, so nice to get almost all good reports with only minor "a little defiant after gym class, but there were four classes in the gym today so it was overwhelming" type reports versus...essentially...body counts).
It's not as though I have all this alone time. There is the issue of my son, who, lately is going through a rather needy phase. Alex says he is coming to terms with the very notion of impermanence, and while I think that is an astute and caring observation--and likely spot on--it can be a little wearing. Several days this week Rainer has entered our bedroom at a pre-5am hour and begun scream-crying for Daddy when he realized he had already gone to work. His grandmother also recently left town after a short visit and he's been crying about that a lot as well. Intermittantly he foists himself on his Dad or I and professes his undying love, "I love you forEVER, Mom! And Dad!" Truly, it's a great feeling every time, but really...I want to just tell the kid to take a deep breath and relax a little. He's so WORRIED all the time. (Wonder where he gets that from??)
Anyhow, I am having a hard time prioritizing. Or even really knowing where to start at all. Wait. Is that the same thing?? Or, I keep starting, only to get side-tracked. Most often I just feel so overwhelmed at doing anything on the list that I just say "Let's go grocery shopping," instead.
Admittedly Rainer and I spend a lot of time running errands, and...at Target. Although, come to think of it, many of the things on my list involve errands and the stores. It's nice to feel like a trip to the post office is achievable in the day when Alex isn't home. I actually DO get a lot more done. But it's the bigger projects that allude me.
It doesn't help that we're waiting to hear more on this whole sequester dealio. We're far from rich to begin with, so a lot of projects sit on the back burner already, but with this possible furlough business hanging over our heads it's feeling a little too risky to pull some of these frying pans forward! It doesn't help that it feels like everything in our house is falling apart at the same time. Furniture-wise. Kids are ROUGH on furniture! (And walls and floors and appliances...) Who knew???!!!
I've also been trying to make sure we have several more "outing-y" things to do each week so that R's occupied in a more creative or physical way. So it's not like we're doing NOTHING. I don't know why it sort of feels like it.
6.5 hours is a LOT more time than I am used to with one (or for 7.5 hours a week, no) kid(s) in my care, but I am struggling with self-motivation. Funny, I have plenty of it at 3am when I can't sleep after the kids have woken me several times (does that ever stop??) and I am making lists all night long, but come 9am and I'm all "surely there must be something we need at the grocery store."
There is just so much I want to do. So much that needs doing. (I'm looking at you, old house full of crumb-flinging, table gouging, furniture ripping kids!) And some old projects, too (ahem...that quilt I started for Rainer in 2008).
You'd think I'd be able to write here more given all this so-called time I have. But alas...I guess I feel kind of uninspired. I'm also still working out what I want to share here going forward. Truth is, I am a little paranoid about the whole thing...suddenly.
So basically, I just keep ignoring it. As best I can. Until I figure out what to do.
Oh. By the way, I am DREADING spring break.