It's the last day of the year, and it's less that I feel like I have to write something and more that I feel like I want to write something. I have been missing this blog. More than that, I have been missing me. I think that's something that writing helps me with...sussing things out, figuring out how I feel. Forming opinions.
I find this idea of forming opinions so interesting. As it relates to everything I have ever formed an opinion about, as it relates to being a parent and in whatever way I am helping to shape the opinions of my children, and as it relates to being a person who lives publicly--whether here or on any other social media site, or just in the local coffee shop or grocery store.
I have many formed opinions, of course, it's hard not to have opinions in 36 years of life. On some things--probably many of them--my "opinion" if you can even call it that, now that I think about it--is still forming. I guess it's good to be malleable. Sometimes, my opinion about what's good for you, is not what's good for me. Of course. That sounds so obvious when I type it out, but I guess I am still finding myself surprised by myself.
It's kind of amazing how malleable you can be if you allow yourself. I think there's something to be said for having convictions, but flexibility is good too.
These days at the end of the year, I am feeling like I need to be more flexible.
Sometimes I feel like I am stretched to the breaking point, sometimes it seems like if I expand any more I won't snap back into shape. But maybe it's not about snapping back. Maybe life is supposed to expand and stretch you and you are just supposed to learn to live with your new reality. With this new shape of you.
Let me get more concrete. A list sounds good.
Tricia's Things that Have Stretched Her in 2012:
Motherhood (and I am not just talking stretch marks)
The Clump (I was going to write Down syndrome, but it's more than that. It's all the diagnoses that my daughter carries--DS, SPD, ADHD, anxiety disorder--and all the ones I wonder about--OCD, ASD, etc...)
Other Mothers (and Fathers) (especially those who are also dealing with either part or all of their own dang Clump)
My Ideas About Education
My Extended Family
Home and "Home"
This Body (literally and figuratively, this body has stretched (and shrunk) and stretched again more than once this year)
For 2013, I hope to continue stretching and expanding. I need to spend more time in quiet contemplation, looking at--and writing about--my experiences. I want to make more art, put more words on the page, meditate more, move, capture flow.
There are many concrete ways I can do these things, but I am not going to list them here right now.
Mostly, I just want to be open to these things. Apply my lotion so that I can stretch more smoothly. Stop holding back and holding on.
I have to say yes more, and conversely, no.
I want to be more honest.
I hope you will hold me to it if you are inclined.
Here's hoping for the best for you and yours in the coming year. Bend, let's not break.