Unringing the Bell

Doozy; 31 for 21

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Who here has a three-(or almost three)-year-old boy? Are they all this challenging? I'll tell you what, I am exhausted at the end of the day and it is in large part b/c of my dear, sweet, boy.

Sure, sure, I have all sorts of other things that tire me out day to day, but the past month or so he has been trying.

I don't even have anything all that thoughtful to say about it. I really struggle when we're in these trying phases because I want to enjoy my kids and appreciate them, but there are times when I think to myself--what were you thinking getting into the parenthood biz???!!!

I don't need to tell you I love my kids. Hopefully it is clear. But I miss, so much sometimes, days of lazing around doing my OWN thing. Not answering questions that are nonsensical fifty, nay one thousand, times in a row.

But you know what? It's not REALLY that stuff that kills me. It's the defiance and testing boundaries and the ARGUING and NEGOTIATING and DEMANDS and having to constantly dole out consequences in a fair manner, and not give in (lest they find a weakness), and keep calm.

Keeping calm is not always my forte. (To say the least.)

Alex and I were talking today about needing a vacation. It's hilarious really. It's not like we could just up and run off. A.) We can't afford it, and B.) Can you even PUT a coupla' kids in a kennel or something for a week??

Har har.

****

In other news. I feel bad that I am not being very DS Awareness-y. But, as in years past, I find that by just writing about our lives, or so I tell myself, I can show whomever may be reading that we're not ALL that different from other folks. DS has changed us, and it absolutely hasn't.

Becoming a parent on the other hand...

Hoo-boy. That'll change a person.

Amen, Sister; 31 for 21

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This is worth a read.

Hooked on Phonics Worked for Me!; 31 for 21

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I think I have a problem. The kids are both at school this morning and I am having a ridiculously difficult time just taking it easy. I really feel like I need a breather, and yet, I have this opportunity and I can't relax. I keep checking my to-do lists thinking maybe I should get to something while I have the time. And, it's not like I am actually even doing "nothing." I am tackling the things on my list that require very little effort and that I don't actually mind and kind of enjoy. Like writing here.

And yet. I am thinking about that stuff. Watching the clock tick down the minutes.

Let's change gears.

A funny:

The other day Rainer was asking Alex to draw pictures of various things on the magnadoodle as he is wont to do. Alex was pulling out the stops with his best renditions of circles and diamons and letter 'Ts', when Rainer suggested that Alex "draw a ponics, Daddy!"

"A ponics??" Alex questioned.

"Yes, draw a ponics!" Rainer said as if Alex was the silliest man around.

"What IS a ponics, Rainer?" Alex inquired.

"Like 'Skuh!' or 'Pluh!'" Rainer answered.

"Oooooooooooooooooooh!" Alex (and later I when Alex retold the story) replied.

And he draw the letters 'Sk' and 'Pl' like his little boy asked him to.

And the little boy was filled with glee.

The End

Hubbub; 31 for 21

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Remember when I said I liked being busy? I said that, didn't I? Well...generally, I do. But the truth is, I am feeling a tad overextended at the moment. I need to take a serious look at all the things I have said yes to and find out when my commitments expire and gracefully back out of a few things. Just have to figure out what, when, how.

When life is full, I am less prone to depression, it's true, but conversely, if it doesn't mellow out a little, I am afriad I am going to burn out. And quickly.

Sometimes I sort of fool myself into thinking I have the time and space in my life for new projects. I guess because I don't "work" I sometimes trick myself into thinking I have all this leisure time. The truth is, even though I may have "time in my calendar" it's not always just OPEN time. I need to pay attention to the kids, make sure their needs are met, my husband's. These busy days start to speed by and I feel like even though I SEE and TALK to my husband and kids, I don't ACTUALLY see or talk to them. Not fully. Not as often or as deeply as I would like.

I think it's good on occasion to be jolted into realizing how important the people we love are by missing them, but I feel this anxiety that maybe I am missing too much. It's hard, because with the things I am involved in, certainly there are perks. Some "more glamorous" than others, but all of them are enticing enough for me to stay committed. Even if only because by being involved, I get to be in the know. Sometimes that's just as important to me as some "in kind" benefit. In fact, often it is.

I guess I need to learn how to prioritize. And when doing so, I need to remember to put in some quiet space and time with myself...and my family.

It's so incredibly important. I know this. Our lives are just a whirlwind lately. I am hoping that after October--which is one of our busiest months of the year--I will be able to tame my schedule a little. And in so doing, my mind.

How do you prioritize? How do you decide what's important to you?

 

Flame; 31 for 21

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I was *this* close to not hauling the kids in to church this morning because I am not feeling well and was (am) overtired (G has taken to waking at an ungodly hour of the morning which is SO not like her, historically, and there's no reasoning with her to go back to bed or remain quiet). Not to mention we had a bunch on our docket for the day. On the way home in the van, however, I was glad we did go. I had one of those a-ha moments, more than that, a moment of extreme peace with a decision I made that felt like a gift. Not because I dragged our butts into church today, but because I (try to) drag our butts in to church every week; that we have chosen a spiritual home and have committed ourselves to a place that feels right--if, on occasion, quirky. (It makes sense that we'd choose a quirky spiritual home afterall, being the quirky people we are!)

I didn't catch the exact initial phrase Rainer used because I was driving, but thankfully Alex picked out a phrase in his characteristic unbroken string of words. It was something along the lines of "Miss Crystal says I have an open mind."

Miss Crystal is the "teacher" (they don't really have official Religious Ed until the 4yo pre-k, but the nursery folks light a chalice (battery-operated) and have a little circle time and discuss the UU prinicpals, too).

It is so interesting to find out that it's really making an impact. That Rainer is really paying attention. You have to wonder with a boy of not-quite-three, just what he's paying attention to. But he is. And I am thrilled that this is the message. I know that it's this message because of the place where we choose to attend.

My guess is that Crystal said something about how we are the church of "The open minds, the loving hearts, and the helping hands." That is the child-friendly welcome spoken before every service.

I said the phrase to Rainer and he said, "Yes! That's it!"

He went on to say that Miss Crystal told him he has a little candle burning in his heart.

And my goodness, even typing that and hearing his little voice telling us about the little candle burning in his heart....it makes me tear up and gives me a little thrill.

Because our children do. They have these little candles burning in their hearts and I am glad mine are learning that. It's reminded me that I need to talk more openly about some of my beliefs with the kids. Whether they "get it" yet or not is somewhat besides the point for now.

And it's also made me want to strive to slow down a little. Rainer--and increasingly, Georgia--have so much to say. And I want to hear every word.

(Remind me that tomorrow when Rainer asks me an almost-unanswerable "why" question tomorrow for the three hundredth, wouldja'?)

 

THE Rachel; 31 for 21

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Look who we met today! Rachel Coleman from Signing Time and Hopkins!

(Rainer wanted nothing to do with being in the picture.)

 (More to come....)

Holiday Kookies; 31 for 21

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We made Halloween cookies the other day.

I think Georgia ate more frosting than she put on any cookies.

I love this picture. Especially how you can see all the shots falling off the cookie (we said "shots" growing up in Connecticut, but you may call them "sprinkles" or "jimmies." Weirdos.)

And then the kids stayed up for ten days on a sugar high.

(Just kidding.)

Although, come to think of it, since eating all that frosting, this is now how G smiles for the camera.

Goofball.

A Clue! A Clue!; 31 for 21

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I'm going to take a moment to talk about my son. What a riot (and a pill) he can be! He's so self-aware sometimes it's a little intimidating, and then other times I can't believe how unregulated a two (almost three) year old can be!

Lately, (right on schedule if Georgia's development with this is an indicator), he's been showing more signs of anxiety. (Hmmm....I wonder where he gets it from?)

He is what the books call "slow to warm." He's not a great fan of strangers or people whom he only knows peripherally. He's an observer and he takes it all in. Often from the sidelines. Once he's warmed up and he knows what's expected of him he can hoot and hollar and play with the best of them, but he's cautious.

Lately he's been talking about things that bother him for days. The other day we were watching a classic episode of Pink Panther and in it a rope chases Pink. Rainer freaked out so much we thought he bit his tongue while eating his carrot (off!). He was THAT emotional about it. He "not want that rope to chase Pink! Why that rope chasing him?" Today it was a robot who "was spinning round and round like that" in a Leapfrog episode. His teacher also told me he will only complete projects for her and not the classroom helper (which is another parent--different each day). It didn't surprise me in the least. "He knows exactly how to do the projects. But he'll only do them for me."

Thankfully school is better in general. Great even! (Phew! Because I was worried!!!)

But it's definitely in him. This fear. This caution.

At night he has taken to talking it all out. He can't really go to sleep until he does. "Why that robot was spinning around and his arms go like this, Daddy?"

He's a smart kid. Might have something to do with all the worry. There is, after all, a lot to worry about in the world, especially when you are almost three and little and so reliant on everyone. And when just about everything is still new.

And what do I do about it? I try techniques and theories to help him through it.

And I worry, of course.

Ahhh...maybe?!

Plumb Tuckered Out; 31 for 21

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1. Let's be random. Shall we?

2. I haven't worked out as consistently or intensely as I do now since I was much younger. It feels good.

3. Tomorrow we are going to do Georgia's neck x-ray. We have a sedative to give her beforehand. I am very interested to see how she reacts to this sedative and I may take advantage of it--if she is chill--to go to super cuts and give her hair a trim. (I mean, why not use the time wisely, right?)

4. The x-ray is the one we've been "supposed" to do now forever. We have not. But hockey requires it.

5. We have an IEP meeting in a couple weeks.

6. I keep forgetting I need to get some Halloween costumes together.

7. I need a haircut, too, actually.

8. Let's talk about pointless things, too, apparently.

9. Am I phoning this one in too much?

10. Probably.

11. What's something I have never told you before?

12. Um....

13. Hmm....

14. Pathetic.

15. We're going to get a real Christmas tree for the first time since we lived in CT.

16. Yes, I am already thinking about Christmas.

17. In fact, most my shopping--for the kids--is done.

18. It shocks me just as much as it may shock you.

19. What is something that is on your grocery list almost every day? For us, it's yogurt and kefir.

20. Note to self: start making your own yogurt again.

21. Note to Alex: will you make some more yogurt?

22. Can this be my ask AND reminder? Can you just do it? Can I just be delightfully surprised some day soon by a crock pot full of yogurt.

23. Dear Alex, I love you.

24. And I love you, too, dear reader. For putting up with me.

20/40; 31 for 21

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I hate to admit it, but sometimes it's hard to look at my daughter sans the Down syndrome glasses. This is what a friend of mine--also a mom to a gal with DS--and I call it. "Tricia," she will say, "You have to take off your Down syndrome glasses and look at Georgia for who she is--a little girl!"

Okay, that makes it sound like we use it all the time, but really we just coined the term the other day. (But clearly I have grand allusions of it becoming a catchphrase for no knowable reason.) 

I'd called my friend up in a panic and told her the school wants to do an FBA on Georgia (a Functional Behavior Assessment) to get to the bottom of some inappropriate behaviors she's been having (e.g. hair-pulling, escaping). And, being the paranoid sort that I am, I had to talk it all out before admitting that an FBA is not the end of the world, that it's actually a positive step, that it's actually pretty respectful of Georgia and at its heart recognizes that this behavior is, in essence, communication. (An FBA is basically data collection--on a situation (or several). They look at the ABCs of behavior (the antecedent, the behavior, and the consequence) to try to get to the root of the problem. Ideally, they see a pattern and they work to help the child avoid the behavior. It's part of PBIS (or, Positive Behavioral Interventiosn & Supports), and is much preferable to some alternate routes of dealing with behavior.)

Alas, that's all (somewhat) besides the point of this post. Sometimes, I forget to take off my own DS glasses. And I look at Georgia and what she is doing and how she is behaving through this lens of Down syndrome. It's not fair to her or anyone around her. And I wonder, how do I expect others to take off their's, if I can't take off my own,

I am working on it. Rest assured, I do think there are some things that are distinctly...a DS thang, I'll say? But....not all of it. That would be too convenient!! And wrong.

Also. How might you suggest I go about becoming less suspicious and paranoid? Is this just par for the special ed course?

It's tiring. And head-ache inducing.

And...though I try to look at things and people and situations openly, with rose-colored glasses if you will, in an effort to shape my life and outcomes, sometimes it's just hard.

Maybe what I need to do is start looking at the world through beer-goggles.

(I kid.)