Need to Work On This

This morning at the gym a little girl came up to me in the childwatch and indicated toward Georgia and said, "She won't talk to me." I think I said something like, "Well, Georgia doesn't really talk to anyone very much just yet. She says some words and uses sign language, but she can understand you." Driving home, I was thinking about it. I don't think this was a TERRRRRIBLE response, but I wish I had said something more positive. Something like "Georgia is working on talking more," instead of she "doesn't." I think if I reframe things regarding Georgia more positively it will help her own self-perception, MY own perceptions, and the people around us's (how to you pluralize that?) perceptions. This is a small thing, but I would really like to work on reframing the way I speak about Georgia, but also about many, if not most, things in our lives.

After my class, I went to pick up the kids and for the first time in two years I was given a "bad" report. I guess G pulled a girl's hair. I am not totally surprised (more surprised I haven't been told something like this sooner), G sometimes pulls R's hair, and after three days being spoiled by the grandparents who were visiting, I am sure she is having some trouble getting back into routine. The childcare worker asked me how she should handle it because, she said, she knew there were special circumstances and she wanted to know the right way to correct Georgia. The other girl was pretty upset--understandably--and lost a few strands of hair.

Eep!

Well, first, of course, I apologized and told her G was a little off her game today. Then I told her that Georgia understands much more than she can express and that she should feel free to handle it as she would with any child, but that time outs and redirection are effective (somewhat) at home. She thanked me and told me not to worry, G is by no means "the worst kid in the room," which...I am just going to take as compliment.

But. The truth is. I don't REALLY always feel like I know how to handle situations like that. At home, with her brother, is one thing, but with OTHER kids?

What do you do?

Do I really have to live outside my bubble?

Comments

[Brandie]

My niece has asked the same question about Goldie. She is only a couple months older. I told her that Goldie was still learning to talk and that she could talk a lot with her hands. Then I remind her of things that Goldie likes to play with her. My niece has borrowed all of our Signing Time dvd's, so that helps.

We use time outs for things like hair pulling, standing on the table, throwing toys etc... I use the Super Nanny method. I also use 1-2-3 when I need Goldie to do something and she is not complying. These are the same methods I used with her two older sisters minus the long lectures.

[cate]

well, you have to leave the bubble to buy the wine.

gaaaaah I don't know. but things are not getting easier around here either.

I think what you said was perfect. What exactly are the "special circumstances"? Extra chromosome doesn't buy you the right to pull hair, or not get in trouble when you do.

(Not to pick on the child watch person, I'm sure they're doing what they can, and it's not an easy job.)

[Tricia]

Brandie, I use 1-2-3 Magic here, too! But I have to admit, it is MUCH more effective with Rainer.

Cate, Yeah. I balked at that too. But to be fair, I THINK she meant with the communication delay, you know? But I totally tried to get the point across that you just discipline her like any ol' kid.

[Tommie]

My older daughter, now eight, is my typical child. But she's also painfully shy. When she was between the ages of 2 and 5 she barely spoke to anyone who wasn't me, my husband, my mom or my step-dad. Anyone else might have thought she had a speech delay because her shyness was that hard for her to overcome. One day at daycare one of the little girls in her class said much the same thing Georgia's peer said to you. She wanted to know why Alyssa didn't talk to her. I told her that A probably wanted to talk to her but was so shy she couldn't get the words out. Then I suggested the friend get to know A and let A get to know her and maybe that would help her get passed the shyness.

Not sure where I'm going with this, just wanted to let you know that I get that desire to help your kid and not know exactly how.

[Alison]

I have NO thoughts about discipline, since I am completely clueless on that front. The thing that occurs to me, though, is that the Downs Ed people say that kids with Down syndrome aren't delayed behaviorally--they should be held to the same behavioral standards as their same-age peers.

So...for what that's worth...

[starrlife]

I kind of say something similar to Tommie - that some people talk more than others but that doesn't mean they don't want to get to know them/play, They might be shy.
Hey, nothing wrong with what you said though. And I agree with Alison about behaviors.

[krlr]

The beauty of commenting late is that I just get to say "ditto" - Ditto re the behaviors & standards(though I struggle with that too), & being loathe to leave the bubble (&the necessity of procuring wine).

Mostly though I was thinking that while I totally understand the urge to put a positive spin on it, I think maybe when talking to other kids, the unvarnished un-glossified direct route might be best. Acknowledging what (to them) seems like an obvious truth - she's not talking - might make the situation less mysterious/strange to them. No, she's doesn't talk much to anyone yet, but she IS learning, and she can *understand* you... and she can speak w/her HANDS. (you can totally sell ASL here - secret code language!)

[Kim]

2 points : The phrase "doesn't talk much" implies a choice, rather than an inability, particularly when it's not followed by a "yet." You may be overthinking this one, a little? And while all kids should be held to the same behavioral standards, unfamiliar caregivers can inadvertently trigger spectacular meltdowns, particularly in kids with communication difficulties (including run of the mill lack of manners ones in "typical" kids.) Treading lightly until she's checkedwith you seems prudent to me.