Doing Time

Certainly I had at least considered that having kids would...alter my schedule.

I am definitely the sort who will gladly give up a lot of my own things for the sake of the kids. I have, and will continue to. I also recognize that I need to strike a balance so that I maintain a sense of self, in the interest of not harboring some sense of resentment.

Sometimes I feel a little guilty, like I do TOO much for myself. I usually feel this way when I talk to other moms who tell me they only "get" to go out one night a week, or month. I go out often several nights a week. Now, I am not talking "go out" in the same sense that meant pre-kids--not by a LONG shot. But I go to different meetings and groups that are either JUST for me, or serve me in some capacity.

I am on the board of our local DS group which serves more than just me, but also feeds my sense of responsibility and action and, let's face it, is one of the only things new I could write on a resume in the past four years; I am also involved with the inclusion action group. Besides those things I go every other week to a small group ministry at church, I go to a monthly mom's night out, I just joined a fitness challenge which will meet weekly at the gym, finished a weekly class at church, and started meeting weekly with a poetry group. I do these things because they feed my soul. After a long day of dishes and butts and rejected meals, I need something that is my own. I am lucky that I have a husband who doesn't really like to go out at night and goes to bed early. Yes, some weeks it feels like we only see each other briefly, but he gets home from work early and we eat dinner together almost every night (except this week b/c of some poorly timed doctor appointments).

However, I have been thinking lately how this is not likely going to stay the same. As the kids grow up and get more involved in evening activites, something is going to have to slide.

I went to a conference this weekend where Brad Hennefer and his mom were two of the presenters. His mom said that Brad, who has DS, was able to take part in four years of varsity golf in high school, and play on the basketball team because their family "never missed a single practice or game in four years of high school."

Wow.

I played sports in high school. The first two years I played all three seasons--swimming, basketball, and softball. I relied on my parents occasionally for rides to and from practice, and my dad came to a couple of my games, but I don't think my mom ever did and they certainly didn't stick around for our practices which were sometimes upwards of three hours long!

I know it's a different scenario. And Brad's mom, as well as I, attribute that commitment to Brad's success in part, in the school's willingness to keep him actively involved. They knew his parents were right there to support him and the team and coaches.

I know other parents who talk about how much homework time they put in with their kids in the evenings. And really, as a parent, I expected that. I get the sense though--I KNOW--that parents with kids who have DS are putting in a much bigger effort with their kids. Time, energy, know-how, etc.

I have a feeling all this me-time is fleeting. It seems incongruous that I would have me-time NOW while the kids are 2 and 4. And it does come at a price, I won't lie. I am tired, our house could certainly be cleaner and I don't know how compelled I would be to get SO involved with these things if I were in a place where I felt more at home--where things were more natural and I was less join-y. (i.e. If I had family and friends to spend my time with--although I now count a lot of the people I have met through various groups as friends.)

Anyhow. Just a thought. Not sure where it will all lead. I want the best for my kids, I know that. And I am willing to put in the time. But I really can't imagine what our life is going to look like when both the kids are in elementary school. It will be wild just having them both in school part time next year! We'll see, I guess. As with everything.

Comments

[starrlife]

Well, one does need to get out of the home once in awhile :)
I am at the office all day so I get some of those needs met there. As the kids get older it won't be butt time, they will entertain themselves (believe it or not) and your life will feel more adult more consistently. I truly enjoy Kayli much more now that I can talk to her and she has a lot of interests. Yes, when she plays b-ball my H coaches and I go for extra support (one night a week) and we both go to all of the games. My parents always went to all of our sports so I'm used to that model but also it's darn fun!You'll see- it'll be great!
Right now the gap between you and them is so great- that changes in no time.

[Tricia]

Yeah, I don't think I as clear, I actually REALLY look forward to being involved on some level. In part, that's why I think I might be a little afraid, I can totally see myself doing things for them most the time, in part because I think I will love it. Just have to remember to strike a balance. But yes, I am REALLY looking forward to the kids being older! hahaha I love the little darlings (hee hee), but I can't wait to find out who they are going to be! :)

[Starrlife]

Ahhhh balance. What's that? :)