Unringing the Bell

Short Little Thumbs

I took this video tonight before the bedtime routine commenced. G doesn't get a ton of time on the iPod Touch, but both she and R like it when they get to "play games." I am impressed with how quickly G has learned to use her short lil' thumbs to navaigate the screen. She usually knows the answers, too, although sometimes her thumbs just aren't quite long enough and she hits the wrong answer. (There are a few that just plain throw her off, too.) This is, perhaps, the most boring video in all of creation, but I still like it--as the mum and all. We intend to get G an iPad post haste. You know, once we save up all the moolah and decide between models. I am so happy she was born into a world that has such technology at her finger--er...thumb--tips. Surely there are arguments to be made against too much technology, but in moderation I think it is going to be a helpful tool. There are some pretty incredible educational apps out there. Please feel free to comment and tell me about any you particularly love!

Fun note: yes, that is her tummy making a funny noise in the beginning of the video, and, too, her brother and father are being goofballs playing soccer in the background hence all the commotion. (Oh. And please excuse her stuffy nose and loud breathing, we all have a bit of a cold.)

 

Edit to add, the app G is playing is from Kindergarten.com. It is a receptive identification app. Seen here. For Autisim Awareness month last year all of kindergarten.com's apps were free!

Class Picture

Georgia's spring class picture...you can tell she had been crying/rubbing her face before the picture was taken, but I still love it. Such a serious girl.

And while I don't want to show her class picture online b/c of the other kids, here is a little crop of just Georgia. According to her teacher they were trying to get one "where she wasn't covering her face," I guess half her face will have to do! I have to admit I love this one, too. It is SO Georgia, but I DO wish she wasn't so shy and nervous.

It's really fun to have the class picture though. Georgia knows the names of all the kids in her class and will point to them if you name them, or say their names if you ask "Who's that?" Fifteen kids counting her!

Sorry for the bad quality. These are pictures of pictures behind glass!

Read this Post

This had me crying in my oatmeal this morning. In a good way. I love going to conferences for this exact reason, too. But there is so much more here than just that. It's a new day, right?

 

“Stress is basically a disconnection from the earth, a forgetting of the breath. Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important. Just lie down.” --Natalie Goldberg

 

Babbling

Thank you, truly, to all the people who have commented or emailed me privately about my last post. My intention is to respond to you and if I haven't, please know it is only because we are going a little ya-ya over here. Try me again if you wish, I might need a kick in the pants. Sometimes (often lately) I leave my emails/comments as "unread" in my email inbox b/c I intend to get back to them, but then I just don't have the time. Although I read all of them and compose answers in my head. I really do care about and appreciate your taking the time to write, but have things competing for my time. I hope you won't take it personally.

It has been a trying few days. It's hard to know/understand what is precipitating what, but I am sure the stress of PTing is not exactly...helping. Any of us. We are getting such encouraging reports from school and we want to believe Georgia can do this, but we also don't want to sacrifice our family's hapiness in the process, so we are trying to strike a balance on this whole thing and figure out what works for us. Not sure just yet what that is going to look like. We have discussed going back to using pull-ups, but taking regular scheduled trips (i.e. once per hour) to the potty. This may sound like regression, but I almost wonder if it would make more sense because, honestly? G doesn't seem to care when she is wet. I think she notices it, but she doesn't get too upset. And as a result, she doesn't seem to really change her behavior to go use the potty. I was not really expecting that she would, but it certainly would be easier if she hated being wet!

One thing I am certain of is that this week she has learned how to sit and use the potty with a lot of success. The main problem is she is still going often when she is not on the potty.

It's a journey. And we're still feeling it out. In a BIG way we are training OURSELVES. It's a big deal to remember to take your child to the potty, to teach them that there are potties everywhere (at the Y, at the grocery store, etc...), and all the other stuff that goes along with it. We are far from over on this journey, but we may be taking a step back from the intensity we were at. I don't know. I might feel differently in the morning.

To add to the stress G seems to have some kind of a cold or something. She hasn't been ill in a long time so I shouldn't be surprised that there was one last hurrah before summer. That, combined with the PTing made for a...well, to be blunt...shitty weekend.

The stimming and yelling and general irritability is so reminiscent of that dark time when G first turned three that I have been meaning to write about for...oh...ever, that I am still kind of in shock. We're back there? Or are we? Maybe this won't last so long this time? Hope hope hope. What good is going to come out of it this time? What developmental leap? More speech? PT breakthrough? Something else?Have to remain positive.

Springtime seems to be the time when G's body just goes haywire. All her clothes get too small overnight, her feet sprout out of her shoes, and it can't be comfortable.

I need to--want to--focus on all the positives. She is talking SO MUCH MORE. She has SO many words. She can name so many things in her environment and slowly, but surely the phrases are coming more and more. She likes to tell us, "Play bedroom!" and "Stand up!" and will ask for her music, or a specific show, or "Animals book." She readily gives us big hugs and kisses and while she and Rainer drive each other nuts on a regular basis, they seek each other out as well.

::

Rainer is the little man of repitition. He has a one track mind and when he gets a thought in it he will ask you over and over and over about what ever it is until you answer. Usually twenty seven times. I mean, you have to ANSWER that often. He likes to "play soccer game" which means kicking the ball back and forth, and build with blocks. And he and Alex have a new routine where they "watch music" or "watch painting" which means they watch old Pink Panther cartoons together and snuggle on the couch. (There is a lot of music in the show...just think of the Mancini Pink Panther song...and apparently a lot of painting.)

::

My mind is racing a million miles a minute lately. I have so many ideas and feel so stunted.

We are starting a brushing schedule with G as part of her sensory diet. And I am really looking forward to spending as much time as possible in the pool soon. These kids need to move their bodies.

My to-do list is having babies.

And my class at church on UU just ended.

I have joined a poetry group at church, but I have only written (half written...it needs a lot of work) one poem so far.

I can see why people need respite care. And why people move home to be near family.

I am going to an all-day seminar on Saturday featuring a lot of "big wigs" in the DS world. Dr. Brian Skotko, Libby Kumin, etc...etc..I am glad that G's teacher and SLP have decided they also want to go.

Waiting on our IEP.

Should be reading this book right now.

Have to get G's x-ray done.

Uh-oh. This is turning into a to-do list.

We are making positive changes in our lives. I know that.

I look forward to a day soon when I can commune with nature. When I can lay back or hug the ground, or look up and see galaxies swirling above me in the nighttime sky.

I miss Vermont.

::

I kind of feel like I am going to crawl out of my skin.

That is, if I don't fall asleep first.

I could really use a roadtrip.

Levity Schmevity, I am Feeling Like a Failure.

Things are really hard right now. And PTing is compounding it. We didn't have a good morning. Georgia woke up in a terrible mood, I pretty much had a breakdown last night, and I think the stress of the week and other things caught up with us.

Georgia has been stimming again. Started before our PTing endeavor, but I feel like it's getting worse this week. I know this is a coping mechanism, and in a way, I think it's really smart, but it's incredibly stressful.

She has started doing something we call "casting spells" again while at the dinner table. She stretches her legs and arms out straight and taut, pulls her chin to her chest, and rolls her eyes up into her head and just sort of vibrates before bursting out laughing. It's hard to explain, but it's certainly...quirky. Ok. It's weird.

Rainer HATES it. And I can understand. It can be freaky (not to put too fine a point on it). He yells at her "No yummies!" when she does this one stim at the dinner table. I don't know why he calls it that. Although today he started saying, "No up and down!" It's interesting (and stressful) that it bugs him. And I wish he wouldn't call such attention to it bc I think that encourages her. Half stim half game.

I had no idea we would be dealing with these sorts of sibling issues in relation to DS...or, more like Sensory Processing Disorder (which G has also been unofficially Dxed with) so soon! Where's my handbook???

Also, tell me. Do your kids yell a lot? Sometimes G just gets into this sort of mode where she can be fine one minute and then the next twenty are AWFUL. Like not screaming, but this "ahhh" yell. Sometimes sustained, sometimes more of an ongoing complaint kind of thing, like, "ahhh, ah ah ahhhh pause ahhhhhhhhh" (ad naseum) until she finds something to distract her. A book, her music, Rainer, a drink of kefir.

And the absolute STUPIDEST thing is sometimes after I try and calm her, figure out what the problem is, and when she won't stop I yell back! Like, "Stop yelling! I can't hear myself think!"

It just knocks me down so quickly. It's such a GRATING noise.

:(

I know my yelling back helps NOTHING in terms of teaching. But sometimes it drives me so BSEffingC (bat-shit effing crazy) I lose it. And the crazy thing? It usually works! For a few minutes. Enough for me to de-escalate things somewhat--sometimes just myself.

I swear, she is who she is bc of me. We have very similar personalities. I know this. But w/ her, I think if she could talk and express herself more it would be equally annoying, but words. Complaints. Formally submitted. Would that be easier to deal with?

Blah.

The stimming thing and these difficult behaviors historically (you know, in the past couple years) seem to be a springtime thing and I am hoping it's developmental. She is working on a LOT of stuff right now.

But it's so frustrating and painful and scary. Whena friend came over to pick up her daughter who Alex was watching, G, who doesn't like strangers and hasn't had enough time to warm up to this woman was sitting on her chair and she was just going NUTS with stimming. She has this shape book and it was opened to a page with a circle and she just hunched over bent almost in half and tapped the circle w her finger repeatedly. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Loud and fast. I know it was just a coping thing, but it just looks so...not in this world. And yes...again...weird.

Sometimes, I worry she's going to slip over to "the other side." Some place she can't come back from. <---- crazy? Yes, maybe. But it really feels that way.  I hate it so much.

In my gut I think it's just coping, developmental stuff. I *think*. But I need to find a way to cope with her coping!!!

I OFTEN wish she was just a happy-go-lucky kid. I wish that for any kid, so of course I wish that for G. And I feel guilty because I feel like she's this way because of me. While I CAN be happy-go-lucky, I am certainly something of a stress case.

I'm working on it. Doing lots of things to learn how better to cope. But, heck, it's easy to cope when there aren't stressors, and then they start up again and it's just....hard.

It's certainly not like she is exhibiting these behaviors all the time, but when she does...oy.

And we have added PTing. Which is just so difficult.

And and and....blah blah blah.

Sigh.

A Little Levity (and some killer dance moves)

Haven't I Thrown Enough Money at This? Do I Have to Break My Thumb, Too?

My thumb is black and blue.

Mission Potty is going okay. We've gotten really encoruaging emails from the teacher and aide at school. G seems to be able to "produce" 80% of the time or so. It helps if you say "let me hear you tinkle." There are, without doubt, still accidents, and I don't think she totally gets it yet, but she's get-ting it. We'll get there. It may take a longlonglonglong (ad infinitum) long time, but I feel hopeful. And much less stressed about it. Somewhat over night. I mean, it's pee (mostly) and laundry. (And furniture....) But what're you gonna' do? Ya' know?

We nixed the timer yesterday (today is day four of the whole mission) because I wanted to attempt to just do this more intuitively. I think it's working well without the timer and we're going every 20-30 minutes. Leaning towards the 30 minute marker unless she's eaten or had a drink recently. I've read that even eating can stir up the bladder--so to speak--so we're going with that. She has had times where she's dry for an hour or seventy minutes or so, and other times where it's go go go within the space of twenty minutes. So still no REAL rhyme or reason.

Half the time she treats the whole routine as no big deal, but sometimes she gets REALLY mad about my wanting her to go sit and try. She will sit on the seat (which is much better than in the past where she physcially resisted), but she is vocal about it. (How cute is it when she does the sign for "stand up" and says it with such authority when she wants to stand up off that dang potty!?) Of course, I don't want it to be a negative experience, but she's easy to tick off. And, frankly, she has to learn. So I am mostly trying to just turn the attitude around as much as possible by being ultra silly and whatnot while we're going through the motions.

Let me tell you though, she's a tough crowd.

The teacher sent home PECs pictures which we have taped to the removeable lid on the potty with images for wet pants and dry pants. We are trying to get that whole idea through to her. What a reward dry pants are!

She is sort of willing to wipe (about half the time) and she will pull up her own pants (with a little help), and she LOVES to put that lid back on when she is all done.

Hence, my black and blue thumb.

It got in the way during one of her less-than-happy-to-be-sitting-on-this-pot moments and I almost thought maybe she chipped a bone! It swelled up quickly and turned black and blue. But the swelling has gone way down to almost nothing and now it's just a small bruise.

Wouldn't that be something?

Q: How'd you break your thumb?

A: Potty-training.

Follow-up response: Ummm......???

:)

By the way, for those of you interested these are all the potty accoutremants we have.

For the upstairs bathroom we have this.

We use this on the first floor (and most often).

And if that's not enough (because cleary we thought if we just threw money at the situation our kids would be potty trained (that, and no one was interested in the $2 Ikea potty seats and when you see your kid THAT freaked out about the potty, you tend to throw money around)) we got this for the car. Of course, neither of the kids are willing to sit on it (it's awfully low to the ground and has crinkly paper inserts), not that I have been brave enough yet to venture out anyway.

Potty, Potty, Potty, Potty...POT-TY! (Sung to the tune of that O'Jays song.)

At least I don't own any Persian Rugs!

A local friend of mine and fellow DS Mama who has a son who is just a month older than G and I have been commiserating over the PTing frustrations and challenges. She has been at it for a year. We are just starting out. She is a wealth of information for me!

I would be absolutely lying if I didn't say that there are moments in these (admittedly early) days of PTing (early because I think this is going to go on for a good long time) when I get a little...hmm... grumpy? About the fact that this is going to be so difficult for us. No matter how you slice it, with great exception, I think this is probably one of those things where the uneven playing field we're playing on is exposed. While I DO think kids are generally more alike than different no matter their number of chromosomes or what initials are written on their medical charts, there are some things that are just NOT alike. Or, if they are alike, they are S-L-O-W-E-R and much more...eff it...some things on this ol' journey here suck. Frankly, while I embrace some of the differences (I happen to think the shape of my daughter's eyes are exquisite for instance), there are some things...in the words of an old friend, "I'd prefer not to!" (Deal with, that is.)

One thing I have never been known for is my patience. And yet, here I am being as encouraging and positive as possible with my little gal. And let me tell you, G ain't known for her patience either. Neither of us deal with tedium well.

But. We're committed (or we should be).And we're going to keep trekking.

At least we don't own anything all that expensive, like my friend who told me that her son peed on her Persian rug just this morning.

Gotta' look on the bright side. Heck, if you gotta go, our house it probably the place to do it.

And insider tip? Buy stock in Stanley Steamer. We'll be using their services in the future, I can pretty much garuntee it. (If any of our furniture makes it out alive.)

 

Negative Nellie

I just re-read my post from moments after I put Georgia on the bus and I sound like a super negative numbskull. I know this will take time. What do we expect? An overnight miracle?? I don't.

I think I just let it out here so that I can keep my cool here.You know?

And I really need a trip to the gym.

Progress?

I lied. I am totally going to keep writing about the trip to undieland.

This morning has been...frustrating. And still exhausting. Just as you think you have a minute to clean up from snack the dang buzzer is ringing.

Today actually, I wanted to push things out to every 30 minutes because it felt like every 20 was just too much.

So thirty minute intervals.

That was the plan.

But...well, let me give you a gilmpse of our schedule and you can tell me if you see any pattern in this mayhem.

8am G got up (FYI, kids slept late this morning) with poop in her diaper. Sat on pot, nothing.

8:30: POP (pee on potty)

9am accident right at the buzzer

Between 9am and 10:30 she sat 5x with no results/no accidents. (I was going to go the 30 minutes, but she sat and didn't pee so I felt like I had to try in another 10 minutes. This was definitely irritating to her, but I didn't know what to do when she didn't pee on the pot. When we waited the full amount of time again between potty trips yesterday when she didn't pee once she had accidents. This was perhaps not the best idea?)

10:45 POP

But THEN, fifteen minutes later at 11:00, an accident.

(Back to 20 minute intervals)

11:20 sit, no pee

11:35 accident (ay yi yi) with a #2 stain (sorry!!) (sat and tried to go...some success...I won't go into details...let's just say nothing actually hit the pot.)

12:05 sat, no pee

12:30 sat, no pee

Umm....yeah. Not sure how to analyze that data.

Mainly, I am just glad I have kept my cool and handled every episode with calm and positive words.

Yesterday's chart is chock full of stickers. Today's has two.

I sent her with a pull-up OVER her undies on the bus today. Maybe this was wrong, but I don't really want to repeat the white-knuckle head-to-toe clothing change with the bus horn honking outside again.

I dunno.

My friend offered to watch R so I can get some things done this afternoon, so I am out of here. I wish "get some things done" included a tequila drink!!