Totally Awk*

One-sided conversation** which took place at Wal-Mart this morning. (And here I thought I could just bip in and buy diapers with nary a problem.) Please keep in mind that I was three people behind in line when this conversation began so there were plenty of spectators and it seemed to go on for.ev.er.

Cashier (eyeing Georgia and all but yelling): Hi sweetie! Hi girl!

I gotta' cousin with Down syndrome. She's a diva. She's a diva, don't let nobody tell you no different. I go over there to play with them and she's all hand on her hip, 'I wanna' play by myself!' She don't talk much, but she let's you know she want's to play by herself. She's a diva!

Hi, girl! Give me some sugar, there!

I go down the group home and I work with some them kids. So sad. But they so happy I go there. So glad I go spend time with them.

But my cousin, No sir! She's a diva!

This sort of thing goes on for a LONG time, no one else is saying anything. Occasionally one of the other customers gives her a half smile or nod. I just sort of...breathe.

Meanwhile Georgia bites my finger. It's a total accident and also my fault--I was trying to brush some cracker crumbs off Gs mouth by pushing them INTO her mouth and OOPS! Of course, I don't want all these people to think she just randomly bit me so I pry my finger out of her mouth with nary a whimper even though SHOOT! She was biting hard!

I don't go undetected. A tall man in the aisle over has been observing the whole thing. I avert my eyes.

This entire time the cashier is going on about her cousin and the people she works with. I am not exactly upset or anything, just feel put on the spot. Like a specatacle. Like Georgia is a spectacle. I mean, the woman is NICE enough and she DOES work with these people she keeps talking about. I mean, she just doesn't have any sense of decorum.

Anyway, finally it is our turn in line. There are plenty of people behind us...I don't know what she was saying up to this point because I was kind of glazed over, but then she starts talking TO Georgia. Georgia, unaware of what the lady is saying is giving big smiles. I am glad she is smiling and not having some kind of tantrum, but it also bugs me that she is being SO showy for this woman--usually lately she is shy.

Anyhow, the woman is saying...wait for it....

You normal! Right, girl? Give me some. Give me some sugar. You normal. You tell them. This could have happened to you! Right, girl. Are you a diva? Yeah! You are normal, right? This could have happend to you! You tell them, this could have happened to you! It could have happened to me!

You normal, girl! You normal!. You normal! You normal! You normal!

and so on....

And while the message, admittedly, was more or less, on par with what I'd like people to think...the delivery...well that had much to be desired. Or maybe not. I dunno. Maybe I prefer this kind of delivery if you are going to say ANYTHING. But you know, we're not freaks on parade.

*My sister and I often abreve words and this is a common phrase in our lexicon.
**Maybe one day these things will happen and I will not feel a compulsive urge to share them, but at the same time I hope they never become SO commonplace that I just plain old get used to them.

Comments

[Jen]

OMG. OMG! I would have been completely horrified. This can't seriously really have happened. You're making it up.

And yeah, Georgia IS completely normal. That cashier, however, most certainly is not. Obvs she has no social skills whatsoever.

Wal-mart is always a freakshow. I avoid it at all costs. I'd rather pay more for diapers.

[Heather Seal]

I love the cashier's grammar, 'You normal, girl!' I know she meant well but when someone makes such a big fuss over and over it almost makes it seem like they are making a bigger deal of the Down syndrome than everyone else. And really who wants all that attention on their child while everyone else gets to be spectators. I honestly hate when that happens to us too.

[Kristin]

I think I would have said out loud, "Oh, I forgot milk. Be right back..." and ran for another line :)

[lisa]

maybe once she started she couldn't stop. sometimes when you say things, and they don't come out the way you mean them to, it's like you get word vomit and then you can't stop... does that make sense? i'm sure she totally meant it in a nice way, but i would have felt really uncomfortable too. weird.

[Julia]

well...way better than a negative reaction...right?

I think being a spectacle at WalMart for ANY reason is hard enough.

[Rebecca]

Oh my. Well I think you handled yourself quite nicely. I can't exactly say that I would have remained so composed. I would have had an urge to lose my temper and leave whatever it was in the cart behind, as I stormed up to the nearest member of management to tell them just how offended and appalled I was by her selection of words that was not only was poorly formulated but inappropriate.

It reminds me of two weeks ago when I entered the grocery store with my youngest two in our swimming suits, covered with shorts, fresh out of the pool, stopping in to grab something we needed for dinner.

I immediately notice a group of young people starring. I'm not sure at this point if they are offended by me or my child, or our attire. I quickly notice they are glaring right at my daughter who loves a good fix of focus and attention. She replies with a string of raspberries. Talk about inappropriate. They begin to chuckle, oh it's so funny, the kid with Down syndrome is spitting at us.

Ugh.

We move along quickly and are soon out of sight. Suddenly I notice it appears they are following us while giggling. As if their goal may be to see what kind of reaction they may get out of my child. If looks could kill they would have been dead, but did that stop them??? Nope.

I fell right off that slippery slope of proper adult behavior in a public place when dealing with younger less intelligent life forms, and lost it. I'm guessing that they would talk about the crazy fat lady with the little Down syndrome child who blew raspberries for weeks.

If only I could remain composed in such situations. I'm not exactly patient, or very nice when it comes to social behaviors that draws out or brings about differences in ways that I don't want to see or deal with.

Good for you Tricia! Bad for me. Bad me indeed.

My apologies for posting such a long comment.

[steph]

Hm. Well, it wasn't overtly negative, but you know that.
I probably wouldn't have been mad, and I doubt I'd have complained, either. But.
But.

I would have been uncomfortable, too.
And I'm reminded of the time at Whole Foods where we were 'outed', when Noel was younger. The cashier noted that Noel had Ds, said, "I volunteer with Special Olympics", and then told Noel, "Don't let anybody tell you you can't". And then he sang an aria.

It was MOST peculiar. Not altogether bad, but odd. It wasn't crowded, and until the singing, it wasn't a public conversation.

And I avoid Wal-Mart like the plague. Our closest one is truly a freakshow. And it's open 24 hours, which makes it even better at 3AM.

[starrlife]

All I can say is Wow.... I think that I would've been alot less relaxed than you were! Social skills deficits? Can we say, Toooo Loud? I've been lucky even at WalMart but I've had similar situations in other places- not quite so loud tho!

[Ecki]

Well, these days I figure anyone who is behaving like that is on the autism spectrum, LOL. You know, the whole lack of social skills thing, including not knowing your tone or volume of your voice! No one's really approached me about Kayla, not directly anyway. Like a receptionist at our large medical group always asking about Kayla, but it wasn't until 5 years later that I learned she used to work with kids with Down syndrome.

[Sonia]

I don't think I would have been mad either. I really don't think she was being mean or offensive, she was just being herself, and most likely a loud person to begin with. Some people are just like that...especially if you come from the South, then you just get use to it!

And like Lisa said, it was much better than being something negative.

[Michelle Z]

oh ick and uncomfortable. Some people mean well, but just ... ugh. Sometimes you just wonder about people, and who really are the normal people? What is normal?

And I wish I could've heard the aria that man sang to Steph!

I can't stand Wal-mart.

[Emma]

Um, I from Australia so I don't know if we do things differently here but I would have headed straight to a Manager or HR department of walmart and reported her, that is like totally wrong do that to you and your children. That woman needs to learn what subtle means. Yes, total ick factor. (love your blog though!)

[Beth]

Now that is so completely bizarre! In 11 years I have never had anything close to this happen! The worst I get is, "Does she have a touch of Mongolism?" To which I reply, "No, she's American, of Scottish and Swedish descent."

You did right though. Let the cashier be crazy, but it seems obvious that she loves our kids.

[Maggie]

Holy crap! I am sure you wanted to crawl under a rock. Sure, she's being nice but O.M.G. As my darling husband just said, as I had to read this aloud to him after I read it, "well at least it makes for a good blog post." Hmmmph. I'll take going incognito any day.

[Mindy]

What the hell?

If this would've happened to us, I would've smiled politely, then as we were walking out I would tell Liam that behavior is what is known as "uneducated trailer trash" and then I would try to get him to say "trash". That's pretty bitchy of me but so be it.

[Liz]

totes awk.

[Lisa]

Is every Wal-Mart across the country like this? I can be pretty much guaranteed to get some interesting comments whenever we go there! I'm sorry, but I was laughing reading this one-sided conversation...I can so picture it happening to us.

I had a similar experience with our second son (without Ds). He was a huge baby and one woman not only noticed it, but made sure the whole store noticed it. "Wow, that is a FAT baby!!! How old is THAT BABY? What are you feeding THAT BABY?" (me, quietly: "He's four months. I'm nursing him.") "Are you feeding him any other food? That is one FAT BABY!!" (me: "No, not yet.") She yells to her friend four aisles over: "Shaniqua, would you LOOK AT THIS BABY? And she's just BREASTFEEDING him!!" She turns to me, then starts to walk away while shaking her head, "You got some miracle grow in there or something? That is one FAT BABY!!..."

:)

[Beth]

Awk indeed.
Not negative, but AWK.
Wal-Mart is the devil!